Productivity and Progress - A report on the findings

I am lazy. I swear.

Oddly, I've been called an overachiever, or told that I have impossibly high standards, or found myself often the recipient of a heart felt "chill out"...but somehow I am never told to stop being so lazy.

This baffles me. For you see, I AM lazy.

I am a lazy person with lazy attitudes and lazy habits. I know this in my bones.

It is fucking painful, physically painful for me to drag my lazy ass out of bed most days. And I wait until the last possible moment to do so. I feel the nausea from imagined exhaustion after 10 hours of unconsciousness creeping up my throat while the corners of my eyes moisten with tears for the bed I'm abandoning my body heat still threading through the crumpled sheets. 

Lazy.

So lazy I hate washing the dishes, if one piles up, they all do, and then I have to be productive, because you can't half ass a 14 foot pile of congealed fat and mold. I am so lazy about them I do the dishes like a nervous tick just to have them done so that my laziness won't snowball into a pile of ceramic and glass as tall as the hemlock tree outside. Because I know how I am.

Lazy.

Laziness overwhelms me until I cannot breathe for the weight of it. Laziness drags my limbs down a back alley, sharp from the lethargic swinging of my arms and legs against the filth of past. 

Lazy. 

Too bored to change, too apathetic to notice, too daft to care, too lazy to do anything except lay here and realize the real lies.

Recognize. That I am lazy. 

And then it dawns on me. 

I might be lazy. This is true. The lazy, not the may. But it is. 

But so is the other one. The other voice, or rather the symphony of voices.

I'm an overachiever maybe. I'm just a fucking lazy one.

I shoot for perfect, too perfect, because the thought of doing it again makes me cringe. That's the epitome of lazy. One shot is all I got, so make it right. Make it so right that it pulls others into the black hole of rightness. So right that right is redefined by the shine of the right light in the night. 

Lazy.